I was blind to my relative instability until I met Tavi Gevinson. By "met," I actually mean "pored over her every interview/news article/life detail in a totally friendly and non-creepy way." This borderline stalker behavior had begun innocently enough. At the time, I'd been holed up in my bedroom, engaged in a TED talk viewing rampage. I came across a video about female identity confusion titled "Still Figuring it Out." While the subject matter was nothing out of the ordinary, the speaker was an anomaly. Tavi was 16 when she gave the talk, and I equate teens in the world of TED with Einstein-esque child prodigies.
In an attempt to uncover a rational explanation for her presence on the TED stage, I googled her name and swiftly discovered that Tavi is, essentially, a goddess. The events leading up to her apotheosis are as follows: 1) she established a fashion blog, 2) the blog attained instant success, 3) she founded an online magazine, 4) this magazine reached god-like echelons of media prosperity, and inevitably, 5) Tavi began acting on Broadway. She has written for the New Yorker and the Chicago Tribune; she has interviewed Emma Watson, Aubrey Plaza, Lorde, and 20 other celebrities; she has been featured on The Colbert Report and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, in the New York Times and the BBC. She is 18.
At this point in my investigative adventure, an existential crisis of biblical proportions came crashing down on my sense of well-being--a merciless boot to my puny ant of happiness. Tavi is only one year older than I am, but she is light years ahead of me. In a world where the chilly waters of society's expectations are accelerating at break neck speeds, there is no room for hesitation. At times, I feel as though I've been left behind, sitting slumped on the shore with no sense of direction, watching my peers skim past me gleefully toward a golden sunset.
For the next hour, I proceeded, in a trance-like state of despair, to absorb every last piece of Tavi that I could glean from the internet. As I feverishly slogged through link after link, I felt the growing presence of time I had lost, time I had let slip from my fingers. Funny, though, how a sense of lost time flung me into a dark pit of distress, for it was this same sense of time that lifted me out again. When I saw how much time I'd spent anguishing over Tavi, incredulity replaced depression.
Tavi, I realized, is one incredible adolescent out of the billions of people in the world. Why should I waste my life obsessing over her success? She found her calling early on, but does that mean I won't find mine at all? Well, maybe I won't, but that doesn't mean I can't try.
The situation boils down to a girl who pursued a passion. This passion became the key to a room of locked doors. I will probably not be as famous as Tavi--I'd be surprised if I could even transcend my current state of near anonymity--but I can still be successful in my own way. I can still find my own passion, my own key, at my own pace. If I must lag one step behind everyone else and wait for the waters to calm beforehand, then so be it. I'd rather be alone on the shore than drowned in the river of life, even if I must suffer a breakdown or two in the process.
In an attempt to uncover a rational explanation for her presence on the TED stage, I googled her name and swiftly discovered that Tavi is, essentially, a goddess. The events leading up to her apotheosis are as follows: 1) she established a fashion blog, 2) the blog attained instant success, 3) she founded an online magazine, 4) this magazine reached god-like echelons of media prosperity, and inevitably, 5) Tavi began acting on Broadway. She has written for the New Yorker and the Chicago Tribune; she has interviewed Emma Watson, Aubrey Plaza, Lorde, and 20 other celebrities; she has been featured on The Colbert Report and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, in the New York Times and the BBC. She is 18.
At this point in my investigative adventure, an existential crisis of biblical proportions came crashing down on my sense of well-being--a merciless boot to my puny ant of happiness. Tavi is only one year older than I am, but she is light years ahead of me. In a world where the chilly waters of society's expectations are accelerating at break neck speeds, there is no room for hesitation. At times, I feel as though I've been left behind, sitting slumped on the shore with no sense of direction, watching my peers skim past me gleefully toward a golden sunset.
For the next hour, I proceeded, in a trance-like state of despair, to absorb every last piece of Tavi that I could glean from the internet. As I feverishly slogged through link after link, I felt the growing presence of time I had lost, time I had let slip from my fingers. Funny, though, how a sense of lost time flung me into a dark pit of distress, for it was this same sense of time that lifted me out again. When I saw how much time I'd spent anguishing over Tavi, incredulity replaced depression.
Tavi, I realized, is one incredible adolescent out of the billions of people in the world. Why should I waste my life obsessing over her success? She found her calling early on, but does that mean I won't find mine at all? Well, maybe I won't, but that doesn't mean I can't try.
The situation boils down to a girl who pursued a passion. This passion became the key to a room of locked doors. I will probably not be as famous as Tavi--I'd be surprised if I could even transcend my current state of near anonymity--but I can still be successful in my own way. I can still find my own passion, my own key, at my own pace. If I must lag one step behind everyone else and wait for the waters to calm beforehand, then so be it. I'd rather be alone on the shore than drowned in the river of life, even if I must suffer a breakdown or two in the process.
I often feel the same way as you did. I often despair at all the time I waste on small little things. It is important, however, to realize that it is unrealistic to attain the same amount of success as a single individual like Tavi. I am glad you came to terms with your success thus far in life and set realistic goals, because this is important for all of us.
ReplyDeleteIf you're on the shore then I'm at least a mile away, trying to read an upside down map for directions to this lake/river/ocean. You are such an eloquent and funny writer! Every time we talk in the hallway and you tell me what cool, new thing you're doing, I ask myself "How does she juggle all this?". Out of everyone I know, you seem the most active in following/finding your passion.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, nice use of the word apotheosis. Always a good one. Secondly, I can definitely relate to the feeling of not measuring up to seem exceedingly talented young person. I remember when I was kid being upset any time I heard about child prodigies because they made me feel like I wasn't doing anything with myself, and I get the sense that that was very common in Uni kids. Looking back on it it seems crazy that we've been raised to be so competitive that other people doing well makes us feel like we're failing. In a case like this you just have to be impressed with the person's dedication, but remember that it's one teenager out of billions. If you feel like being petty you can also keep in mind that working that hard that young means she probably hasn't had much time in her life to relax or talk to friends. If you have that then in a way you're still winning.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great way to look at life! I do feel overwhelmed thinking about my future every so often, but I have learned to think more positively. It's great to want to be like those child prodigies, but every one is unique. We are each capable of doing so much and being successful if we set our minds to it. This was such a fantastic post, and I felt like I could relate to it on some many different levels. Good job Chloe!
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I know the exact feeling you describe. Incidentally Tavi has been on my map for quite a while--one of the first times I came across her (I think she had featured my mom's friends set of (artist) Tarot cards on her blog), and so my mom was all like "who is this?!"--I remember the first thing I did was check out her blog, and then proceeded to contemplate all the different ways I could possibly develop a blog that would reach the proportions of hers. Cooking blog? or novels? or even just be unoriginal and stick with fashion? Obviously none of that ever came to fruition (not that it could of), but your point that Tavi is kind of irrelevant for us, is a good one. By that I mean that, it's impossible to achieve what Tavi or other crazy famous kids are--but that doesn't mean that you can't be awesome and do super amazing things.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOUR BLOG. Secondly Chloe, success is a relative term. Yes she has gained popularity with millions around the world , etc but is she happy? She might be. She might be very happy because she's doing what she loves and is getting adorned for it. By that definition, you're just as successful! You go around and be your little Chloe self and you have tons of friends who sincerely care for you and appreciate your Chloeness:) So yes you may be destined for something incredible, but just remember that you are doing something great right now. Thirdly, seriously, my life every time I watch Disney. Or read the newspaper. Or talk to my parents. :) These people are doing something great and I'm sitting here wilting from the lack of sunlight.
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